For the Sake of the Children (Lesson 2)

It was encouraging to me this week as I read an article State of Our Unions published by the Institute of American Values. Sometimes I feel like a lone voice in the wilderness as I fight for family values.  I know there are many others who care deeply about the family, but reading this article was so heartwarming to see the dedication and devotion that this organization, made up of people from all different backgrounds have. They are dedicated to one goal, to strengthen families.

There was a statement in the article that said, "for the sake of today's young people and their children." Sometimes there is so much attention to the couples involved in a divorce; the why, the how, the what now, that the devasting effect divorce has on children is overlooked or greatly under appreciated.

This begs the question, "Should a couple stay together for the sake of the children?" This is a tough question.  I have seen both sides and feel that the answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no. I have a loved one who has been divorced twice. Her second marriage became very difficult and cold only a couple years into it. She stuck it out for almost 20 years not wanting to go through a second divorce, but the hurt that her oldest two children experienced by living in the toxic environment of their own home, has had a lasting impact on their personal lives as well as her relationship with her two girls. And on the other side of the coin, I know couples who have gone through some very rocky years but worked on their relationship, stuck it out and now have a strong family.

As I've considered this question, two things that Elder Oaks once said seem relevant.  He said, "there are some things worse than divorce," but he also said that most often the "remedy is not separation but repentance". I think if couples can recognize that there are problems and are willing to repent, they can work through things and recreate a beautiful, strong family. But if one or both of the couple refuses to recognize that they are part of the problem and refuse to repent of their wrongdoings, the situation will not improve.

My loved one referenced above, is now living with another man and seems to have the attitude "Why is marriage so important?"  She doesn't want to go through another rocky marriage, and I don't blame her for that, but I feel bad she can't understand what marriage can do:

• Enable her children to thrive in an intact family
• Help her family to support each other in success and to weather the bad times together
• Help to shore up the community in general as strong families interact in the community as a whole.

I'm so grateful that I have had a healthy marriage relationship in my own life.  I know that I can't really understand the hurt, the betrayal, and the loneliness that divorce creates. I just ache for the many children who are living with the consequences of the break down of the family unit.