Covenants and Cooking (Lesson 4)

I started dating Steve when I was only 18, having no idea that I was dating my future husband. By the time we had been dating only a few months, Steve knew he was ready to get married.  I was scared to death! I was only 19 and had no plans of getting married so young. I kept praying about it telling God that I really enjoyed being with Steve, that I thought I loved him but I knew I was too young. I kept asking God to let me know that I was too young and should break up with Steve.  I just couldn't get an answer. Finally, after months of praying that way, I realized maybe I was asking the wrong thing. I finally prayed and told God that I knew I was young, but was this his will? Should I marry Steve? I was filled with the greatest peace and joy that I can remember.  So we did marry, Steve only 21 and me a young 19. I was lucky, Steve really was a good man. But I really was naive. I was raised in a good home by a good father and had four good brothers. I kind of just assumed my husband would be a good man. At the time I didn't fully understand the real risks of entering this eternal covenant. The longer I'm married (more than 35 years!), I see the heartache that comes by some "not so good men and women," after they have supposedly made these same covenants. I could really relate to Elder Hafen's comment in his article "Eternal Marriage," when he said, "covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith." We are making these covenants at a young age, not really understanding the risks we are taking. But so many stay faithful to these covenants, even through very difficult times. When we were dating I kept telling Steve, "I can't get married, I don't even know how to cook!" He kept convincing me I could learn on him. I remember being devastated when I came home from church, having put my first "pot roast" in the skillet on 350 and leaving it for hours. We came home to a smoky kitchen and a little black piece of meat. Steve's comment was, "I like my roasts crispy!" He truly has been a support to me all through the years and because of his constant encouragement, I can make a pretty darn good pot roast now! Contrast that with my friend who is now divorced, but for almost twenty years lived under constant criticism.  She has been divorced ten years now and still has a lot of self-doubts because of what she heard for so long.
So is it just chance? Do we just hope for the best? Absolutely not! Of course, there are no guarantees, but if we can find a future spouse who puts the Lord first above all, is honest, has the same long-term goals as us and is committed to a covenant marriage, there is a great hope for a bright future. There will be trials, there will be heartaches, there will even be hurt, but together it will be worked out and both will come through stronger, more faithful, and even more in love.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hanging in There! (Lesson 9)

Image
There is something very refreshing about Gottman's advice in his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." I think sometimes when we are reading self-help books it seems that we have to become perfect in a specific area and often times that seems unreachable and impractical. I love Gottman's practical and realistic approach to having a successful marriage. He acknowledges that 69% of marital conflicts fall into the category of "perpetual", meaning they are not really going to go away, and yet there is great hope for a happy successful marriage.  He says, "despite what many therapists will tell you, you don't have to resolve our major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive." I think that thought can be a relief for many marriages. We are not going to become perfect anytime soon, but by using some simple principles, along with a sense of humor, we can still have a fun, beautiful, loving relationship.      I worry that...
Read more

God's Finishing School (Lesson 6)

In Goddard's book, "Drawing Heaven into Marriage," he made a comment that really hit home for me, "Marriage is God's finishing school." That has really been the case for me. I am still a student in this "finishing school", but I have seen important changes in my life. Some qualities in my husband have been difficult for me to adjust to, for example, he spends his money very differently than I do, he makes decisions very quickly, and he is more emotionally volatile than I am. But I have come to realize that there are positive sides to these qualities that can bless my life. I tend to be too "cheap" with my money and my husband helps me to understand that it's OK to spend it if we have it. If it were up to me I would continue to buy cheap stuff that would shortly break. He has taught me that sometimes it's worth buying good quality. He is also very generous with his money and has taught me to look for ways I can help people wit...
Read more

For the Sake of the Children (Lesson 2)

It was encouraging to me this week as I read an article State of Our Unions published by the Institute of American Values. Sometimes I feel like a lone voice in the wilderness as I fight for family values.  I know there are many others who care deeply about the family, but reading this article was so heartwarming to see the dedication and devotion that this organization, made up of people from all different backgrounds have. They are dedicated to one goal, to strengthen families. There was a statement in the article that said, "for the sake of today's young people and their children." Sometimes there is so much attention to the couples involved in a divorce; the why, the how, the what now, that the devasting effect divorce has on children is overlooked or greatly under appreciated. This begs the question, "Should a couple stay together for the sake of the children?" This is a tough question.  I have seen both sides and feel that the answer is sometimes ye...
Read more