What Changes Hearts? (Lesson 5)

I really enjoyed reading the introduction and first chapter of Goddard's book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.  He begins by explaining, that we are all born innocent, but that is not the same as charitable. We are born into this world as a natural man (Mosiah 3:1), and our challenge here on earth is to overcome the natural man. This is always so much easier said than done.  It's great to think that we will become "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love," until we are wrongly chastised by someone and things just "aren't fair".  Sometimes even just little things can hit us wrong and really bring out the worst in us. 

Goddard says the key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person.  It was the word "saintly" that really struck a chord in me. I think there are many times that I am not acting "saintly," but I sure feel justified! I realized after reading this that my relationships aren't at all about "who's" right or wrong, they are about "what" is right. 

Goddard gave some specific ways we can do this in our relationships with an analogy of the Good Samaritan. The Good Samaritan responded with grace, saw goodness beyond the present, and didn't allow circumstances to be involved in our judgments.  

I was in the return line at Costco today. I don't know why the line was moving so slowly but I stood there for 15 minutes and didn't even move. I was getting frustrated inside, but trying to remind myself that I'm sure the employees are doing all they can. The man in front of me had already been waiting 30 minutes and now started to lose it. He went up to the desk and yelled at the clerk, he called the manager over and demanded an explanation, he shouted some of his own ideas to solve the problem. He definitely was not responding with grace, seeing goodness beyond the present or not allowing circumstances to be involved in his judgment. His poor wife was so embarrassed and kept trying to calm him down. I could understand his frustration, but his actions didn't help anything. I remember a comment that Elder Holland made in his conference talk in April 2007, "Nothing misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse." When I heard Elder Holland say that I thought to myself, "Are you sure??!" But after a few years of pondering that, I have realized the truth of that statement. This man at Costco had embarrassed himself and worse, embarrassed his wife.  He certainly did nothing to help the poor clerk or anyone else in line.

I was grateful that I hadn't allowed myself to act like this man, but I had to be honest with myself and admit that inside I was thinking some of the same things. I really was not acting saintly, even though no one else around me realized it. So how can I truly change my heart and become "saintly?" Goddard tells us that faith on the Lord and repentance are what truly change hearts. I recognized that even though I didn't hurt anyone with my words or actions, I still need to repent of my thoughts. I loved the statement at the end of the chapter, "Good marriage is not about skills, it's about character." I am going to repent, rely on my faith in Christ and improve my character.  I will probably have to do this over and over and over and over, but I know as I continue to try my heart will gradually be changed and I will become a little more "saintly."