Empty Nester Problems (Lesson 12)

One of the things I have struggled with most since becoming an empty nester is how to be a supportive, involved mother and grandmother without stepping over my bounds. I want to be a positive influence on my grandchildren, I want my children to know I pray for them, love them, and support them in all the good they do, and yet I know it's important to let them be there own independent family. 
     Richard Miller in his article, "Who is the boss? Power Relationships in Families", teaches that when children become adults, "the relationship between parents and children changes. In healthy families, the parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them."  I remember when we dropped off my oldest daughter for college. We hugged, shed a few tears, and drove off.  About 10 minutes later I got a call from her, "Mom," she said, "some kids are going up to a barn for a hot dog roast and games, is it OK if I go?" I laughed and told her, "You are an adult now, you get to make this decision on your own!" I've really tried to let my adult children be independent. It's really hard when you see them making decisions that you wouldn't make. I think it's OK to offer your opinion when they ask, but it's hard to just let them learn from their own choices. I am so appreciative that neither my parents or my in-laws ever interfered with my life as an adult. My husband and I did make some stupid choices, but we learned and we became stronger, wiser, and better going through those experiences.
     Pres. Kimball warned, "well-meaning relatives have broken up many a home.  Numerous divorces are attributable to the interference of parents who thought they were only protecting their loved children. . . Live your own life."  That is scary to me! I would hate to be a part of problems in my children's lives.
     Another thing that is difficult for me is watching my daughters parent differently than I did. Sometimes I just have to bite my tongue and think, "if you would only just . . . " But I have learned after twelve years of watching my daughters parent, that often they are doing things in a better way than I ever did. I respect their rights as parents to receive revelation for their own children.  I just try to support, love and let my grandchildren know that I have a testimony of Christ and his gospel. I pray that over the years they can look to me as a support and a strength.

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